dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize