In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
