So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
