Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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