Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you had me at cake vodka
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
