is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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