you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
