I heard we made out
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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