I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
