matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize