you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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