And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
