I wanna bring you to show and tell
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
