It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
