She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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