My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
