Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
