What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
