Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
