Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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