My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
