I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
