even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
