Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
