just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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