does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize