Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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