??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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