i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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