Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
