we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
