i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
COCAINE IS GR8
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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