Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize