Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
