I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
