So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
