I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
