I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
