I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
