I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Randomize
