i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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