woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
