Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
