Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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