u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
