Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
