we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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