all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
