I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
