its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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