So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
