This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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