I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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