I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize