totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He felt like a one man threesome
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
