yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
