Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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