dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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