You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
should my penis look like a turkey
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Couch. On fire.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
