my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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