The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
