So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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