I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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