period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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