I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
