i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
