How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
