My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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