As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
