Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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