He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
